I hate to admit it but the Holidays usually bum me out.
Not because I’m alone but because my memory of Holidays past still haunt me. I didn’t have the type of Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations depicted in some of my favorite TV shows growing up – and to this day I still hate when TV shows do Holiday specials (with the exception of Halloween, of course).
As an adult- with no children to focus on (yet) I’m just left to deal with the harsh reality that Thanksgiving and Christmas are just regular days. I don’t feel any different today than I did yesterday. And tomorrow I’ll have to remind myself that today was, in fact, Thanksgiving Day. I guess I get annoyed and a teensy bit jealous when I go online and see everyone else doing their Holiday thang. I don’t know how they’re able to get caught up in the excitement of it all- even though it’s all fake and temporary and sometimes a little bit forced and overkill- try as I might- I can’t seem to ‘get it up’.
Oh one day I’ll put on the show- when I have kids. I’ll cook a big feast, we’ll say Grace and watch a little bit of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. And at Christmas we’ll all exchange gifts and feel so “grateful” because that’s what you do. You make the day special create traditions that your young, innocent children can pass on to their children. One day the Holidays won’t bum me out.
I don’t mean to sound ungrateful or sarcastic or unhappy. But if I do- oh well. It’s not really my job to be ‘happy’ and ‘thankful’ just because we’ve all decided today is the day that we put forth the extra effort to be better versions of ourselves. At least I’m not as bad as I used to be. I used to slip into an all out depression when the Holidays came around (much to the dismay of my boyfriend) but now I buck up and I push through it. Sometimes I even smile.
Today I’m going to a friend’s for dinner…and then I’ll work overnight because I work in retail and this is where I am in life. But I am thankful. I’m thankful that I have a mom and a boyfriend/best friend who love me unconditionally. I’m thankful to still have some friends who make space for me at their dinner table. And of course I’m thankful to be alive and healthy.
But I’m thankful for that everyday. Not just today.
But yeah…Happy Thanksgiving 🙂
- Thankful Today and Everyday (ohalltheplacesyouwillgo.wordpress.com)