When I was younger I used to get these excruciating migraines that would just wipe me out for days at a time.
Sometimes they’d get so bad that I would vomit or in rare cases I would actually pass out. It started right after college. I’d just been hired at my first real, grown up job and not long after I started getting these migraines and missing a lot of work.
Fortunately, my co-workers were sympathetic. They recommended all kinds of doctors and specialists (I had health insurance at the time) and some days I was even allowed to lie down in my bosses office if a migraine hit during the workday. I was scared though. I thought I had cancer or something and the idea of dying at 22 before I had written anything worth reading depressed me to no end.
Eventually my migraines became fewer and farther between. I saw doctors, took special meds but mostly I just stopped stressing out. The main source of the migraines stemmed from my being fixated on my future and my career. I’d just graduated from film school and somehow I’d ended up working in advertising and I was confused. I didn’t know if I was on the right path and I stressed about it constantly. I didn’t sleep. I ate poorly. I even had panic attacks. It was a really turbulent and confusing couple of years after college. I used to think I was all alone but I later realized a lot of recent graduates went through the same thing. It turns out, at the time, I had been on the right path. In fact, I was closer to the right path back then in New York than I am now in Los Angeles but what did I know at 22?
Anyway, after talking about my feelings with my first (of three) therapists I figured out what my problem was and I started to do things to help take my mind off of my career. I shot a couple of TV pilots and started writing more…soon my migraines stopped all together. I was happy and actually being productive and I felt healthy.
Well…I’m working in retail now. It’s been a long time since I’d shot anything besides my weekly youtube vlog and my migraines are coming back. Except this time no one’s sympathetic. It’s funny, I went to work with a migraine – gave my boss the heads up that I might have to leave early if it got worse and got the cold shoulder. I don’t respond well to cold shoulders. I’m still dealing with my need to be liked by everyone (Middle Child Syndrome) so when someone expresses disapproval or dislike toward me I take it hard. So I stayed at work despite the overwhelming dizzying pain. It’s good that I stayed though because retail is very different from advertising. Obviously I work on an hourly basis not salaried so missing work means missing rent and I’m a grown up now…I can’t miss work. So I stayed…but I can’t deal migraines again.
All this to say that in 2014 I’m getting a hobby. Something to take the edge off and help me not to stress over my career. I’m also getting back to writing two new web series. I’d been working on them off and on all throughout 2013 but I never really gave them my full attention. Now it’s my goal to finish writing at least the first season of both. (As well as finish that screenplay I’ve been “re-writing” for a year now) I don’t know if I’ll be able to produce the web series but the best thing about writing is that it takes no money to do it.
Well…it takes a little money. I seriously need to buy a new computer. This one is definitely on its last leg.
Hope everyone has a safe and Happy New Year!!!