Daily Prompt: Passenger Seat

I believe in Fate.

I never really thought about why I believe in Fate, though.  I feel like it was just something that’s always been there- in my heart.  This certainty that things that are meant to happen will happen.

It’s interesting though because if I believe in Fate so much, one would think that I would’ve handled disappointments a lot better growing up.  But I was awful – I had tantrums and fell into depressions and got angry and cried and screamed a lot.

I did not handle disappointment well at all.

I’m better now.  Now I feel like I can accept the possibility of not getting what I want all the time.  I prepare myself for that feeling every time I try to achieve something.

But if I’m being totally honest – that just means I’m not really believing in myself.  I’m not really going after what I want.  And…I’m not really allowing myself to truly want anything.

And when things don’t go my way I simply say, “Well, I guess it wasn’t in the cards.”

I can blame Fate for my not getting a job or for losing a job or for not getting an audition or a writing assignment…or an agent for that matter.  It’s Fate’s fault.  I’m not in control here…

Somewhere along the line I climbed into the passenger seat and didn’t bother trying to control my own destiny.  I simply stopped trying…too afraid of failure and heartache and disappointment, I guess.

It just got to be too hard.  And it was so much easier to be passive and let Fate take over.  Which sucks because I’d like to feel like I have a little more power- control- influence – in my own life.

And do I really have to believe in one thing or the other?

Couldn’t I be the type of person who believes she’s in control of her own destiny but also believes that everything happens for a reason?

Or is that just me being lazy and incapable of standing for something?

Hmmm….

Daily Prompt

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11 thoughts on “Daily Prompt: Passenger Seat

  1. Pingback: B.Kaotic

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