There’s nothing I like celebrating more than my birthday.
I know that sounds egotistical but I know I’m not alone in that. I love my birthday. Of course that’s not to take away from anyone else’s birthday – everyone should feel this way about the day of their birth. So when my birthday comes around I like to make it special.
Every year since my 21st birthday I’ve had some kind of “event” or “party” or “trip” and there are pictures of me laughing, smiling and having the best time ever with a bunch of people. I’d take lots of pictures, drink lots of whiskey gingers or margaritas or whatever – laugh a lot and then probably wake up the next day with a hangover and this awful feeling that I owed someone an apology.
It was awesome.
But the past two years have been different. Maybe it’s because I’m older and at this point I’ve been in too many dysfunctional friendships but I haven’t wanted to celebrate my birthday with a “bunch of people.” As I move forward in life I feel like I don’t need to be surrounded by a bunch of people. Having just a random bunch of people around can create a lot of chaos and cause confusion and it just gets messy. What I want as I start a new year and enter a new chapter of my life is a tight-knit group of friends. Real friends. Not the kind who take three days to respond to a text message or phone call. Not the kind that bail on you every time you make plans together. Certainly not the kind who only hit you up when they want or need something from you. But real friends.
Last year I didn’t have a party or event – I did take a trip, ate cupcakes and saw a movie with my best friend. But I didn’t fill my social media sites with pictures of me and “a bunch of people.” I took that year to reflect and spend time by myself. I realized I liked spending time with me, which is good because if I didn’t like being with me then how could I expect other people to like spending time with me?
This year I listened Joel Osteen’s podcast right before my birthday and he was saying some
thing about our “inner circle” and how we should always be careful about who we let into our inner circle and who we spend our time with. I’d been on the right track for the past year and hadn’t even known it. So I resisted the urge to throw a party and kept my celebrations small and intimate. Margaritas with my best friend followed by drinks and tacos and a few other mini-celebrations with people throughout the week. I don’t have dozens of pictures of me smiling, laughing and posing. I didn’t have a big birthday bash but I had just the right amount of celebrating with the right people.
How you start the year is how you’ll end it.
This is a new year for me and I want to start strong. No more allowing just any one into my inner circle. No more trying to sustain and resuscitate dead relationships. I used to feel bad because my social network had always been small. I used to feel like it was a bad thing that my wedding party (speak it into existence, there will eventually be a wedding) will be teeny-tiny. But now I don’t feel that way. I was happier in the past year spending time (mostly) alone than I’d been in a long time and I attribute that to my being more selective about who I spent my time with.
My time, I finally realize, is VALUABLE.
I need to form and protect my inner circle. Because when things finally start to turn around for me (and they will) I’ll need my inner circle more than ever – for encouragement, support and, of course, celebrating.
A new year starts for me now. I’m so excited to continue to grow and transition into this new, better version of myself.
Thank you everyone for all the Birthday Wishes!