A few days ago I sent a group email to some friends/people that I know and asked them to check out That Former Sidekick Girl’s Code of Conduct on my new blog that’s launching August 3. I really do appreciate the people who did check it out and offered feedback.
Anyway, I happened to find the blog of one of my email recipient’s and I was shocked to see she’d written a blog post about sidekick girls!
It was a blog post basically bashing sidekick girls. It suggested that anyone with sidekick girl mentality isn’t a real woman or a boss babe. The blog tried to disguise itself as a positive, uplifting post but really it was a dig – at me.
I could just imagine this girl writing her post in her apartment – fueled by white wine and brie cheese – venting and stewing about the upcoming launch of That Former Sidekick Girl. I can only assume that her strong reaction to the launch of my blog was due to the fact that she thought my blog had something to do with her – which is only something a narcissistic LA actress would think. If I wasn’t so busy being angry at her nerve, gall and audacity I would have laughed at her silliness.
Don’t ever be self labeling as Sidekick girls since You alone are writing your own Biopic every single day. It all starts with YOU, and You alone. Don’t like something? Own your power and change it! Don’t put blame on others because life isn’t going the way you planned – fix your own bullshit and move it out of your way that you’ve allowed to limit yourself
When I first read the post I was incensed. I wanted to explode – I felt like this former friend of mine hadn’t really taken the time to read my Former Sidekick Girl’s Code of Conduct. I was also hurt because I’d sent her the email asking her to support the blog for the launch. I know I’m a ballsy girl and I’m pretty direct with people but not even I would send someone a direct link to my blog knowing it was going to be about that person and would probably piss her off. I’m not in that vindictive place anymore – ain’t nobody got time for that. I had nothing to hide when I sent the email. But somehow, this girl got it into her head that I was launching a whole new blog that would focus on her and our failed friendship. Craziness. I’m still bemused by it.
So after venting about it on Twitter and Facebook (and sending her a direct email telling her it would’ve been more “real woman” of her to talk to me directly instead of hiding behind her blog post) I went to bed. When I woke up this morning I was still pissed off. I think it was pretty messed up for someone I know personally to write such a harsh blog post about me and then tag my old web series “Lila, Long Distance” and “Side Kick Girls” in it – I guess in an attempt to really drive home the point that this blog post was about me (can we say High school? Doesn’t feel really Boss Babe to me. Feels childish). But after making some tea and preparing to put a couple more hours of work into my new blog I had a moment of clarity.
This new blogger and I had once been in a very complicated, uneven friendship that ultimately I walked away from. But not before subjecting her to my wide array of insecure, jealous bs I would later come to regret. I’m not saying that it was all my fault – I am saying that I remember being a jealous person and verbally lashing out at her whenever my jealousy got the better of me. To this day I feel guilty about some of the things I’d said to her. Because that’s not the person I wanted to be. I didn’t want to be a jealous girl. I have since apologized for my behavior (I got no apology in return but that’s OK I didn’t need it) and I’ve been working to move on with my life and work on myself. Not only have I tried to release any residual bitterness I may have still had for this former friend but I also supported her latest business endeavor by attending her party/business pitch for a makeup company. My other friends were surprised that I would bother supporting her but I was still feeling guilty and wanting to make amends – so I went.
But after reading this blog post I can now let go of my guilt. I can finally forgive myself for my past behavior where this friendship is concerned. I’m glad she wrote the post and said her true feelings. In a way, her blog post is like an open letter to me. And sometimes you need to write an open letter to the people who have hurt you or pissed you off – especially if you can’t face them directly. I know it’s the way I feel about my past bullies and the person who physically assaulted me. So I get it. I totally accept this blog post and I appreciate this blogger for expressing her thoughts and getting them out there.
It’s not going to stop me from launching That Former Sidekick Girl on Sunday, August 3rd. In fact, this whole situation has lit a fire under me and now I’m even more determined to make this new blog a success. Because when I first created Side Kick Girls the web series it was a silly comedy about a group of jealous, ugly girls who hatched a plan to take down the ‘It girls.’ It was my way of laughing at my own situation. This blogger was actually on set when I shot this web series – she was part of the crew. And when we talked about where the idea stemmed from she understood I meant no animosity toward her.
Since then Side Kick Girls the web series garnered some interest from some industry people who wanted to turn it into a TV show. The idea started to take shape and formed into something entirely different. The focus was more about friendship then it was about being jealous or exacting revenge. It had a more positive and hopeful tone. Nothing happened with the TV show but Sidekick Girls never left my mind. I was going through a transition – spiritually, mentally, physically. It was painful and I was going through it entirely alone.
Now that I’m finally getting clarity and starting to understand my past behavior I want to bring Sidekick Girls back in the form of a blog. I want to connect with other people who’ve felt like the sidekick all their lives and who want to do something about that. This blog isn’t about my former friend or about anyone in particular. So I hope that other people who I’ve encountered in life can get that in their heads right now.
Once again I want to thank Ma Cherie Amiee for writing down her thoughts and expressing them. I hope she can heal and move on from whatever pain I caused her in the past. I also hope that when That Former Sidekick Girl launches on Sunday, August 3 – she’ll take the time to actually read it and understand how, in a way, this blog is for her as well.