Benefit Cosmetics Make Up Haul

For the New Year I decided to treat myself to a few new products from Benefit Cosmetics.

Make Up Haul

I was a little leery at first but after the very nice Boot’s employee gave me a mini-makeover using the products I knew I’d finally found ‘The One.’

Benefit Pore-fessional Primer

The Pore-fessional Primer is oil-free and light weight.  It basically felt like air on my skin.  I rarely wear foundation and never use a primer.  Previously, all I needed was Origins tinted moisturizer and I was happy.  But now that I live in London and no longer have that Los Angeles sunshine to naturally brighten my skin I now find it necessary to wear foundation, which means the primer comes in handy.

Benefit hello flawless foundation

The Benefit Hello Flawless foundation is supposed to be good for your skin.  It feels nice going on, doesn’t clump or get all crusty looking and does the job of making my skin look brighter.  Paired with the Hello Flawless powder, I feel camera ready and pretty rockstar.

Benefit Hello Flawless Powder

I don’t know why it took me so long to finally get into Benefit (probably the price tag – eep$$$!  But totally worth it.) but I’m glad I came around.

Maybelline Falsies Mascara

I’m also using the Maybelline Falsie’s Volum’ Express mascara and I must say I’m in love.  The product really makes my eyelashes look longer, fuller – to the point where someone recently asked me if I was wearing falsies.  I was flattered because obviously I don’t have the patience to put on falsies for real so it’s nice to know that the mascara is doing the trick.

Bonus!  I went to a Christmas dinner where there was a secret santa gift exchange.  My gift was a figurine of a solar waving Queen but by some happy turn of events I ended up with an amazingly perfect gift set from The Body Shop that contained body wash, body butter and this coconut hand cream.

The Body Shop Hand Cream

This London weather has me on the hunt for a new skincare routine and especially for lotions that actually work.  I truly lucked out with this Body Shop gift set because it got me through my ten day Holiday in Italy.  Thanks extra Secret Santa!

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No New Resolutions!

It’s 2015 in London!

Spent my Christmas in Italy and got back to London just in time to say goodbye to 2014.  My New Year started with an empty refrigerator, no electricity and lentils at midnight.  But Happy friggin’ New Year!

After the longest commute from Gatwick airport I arrived home to find that the electricity had run out so I had to light candles to see my way around.  It was kind of cool, if not slightly creepy.  The part of me that still enjoys scary movies thought about the possibility of a stranger lurking in the dark waiting to pounce and for a thrilling moment I was a little bit afraid.  Then the electricity came back on and my scary movie moment was over.  I took a couple of minutes to empty the fridge because all the food had gone bad.  Then at 11:59pm I counted down to midnight and ate lentils.  Fingers crossed for a super prosperous year!

For the first time since the age of 16 I didn’t make any New Year’s Resolutions.  So when March comes around I won’t have any resolutions to break – Yay!  I also didn’t end the year in a bar or totally drunk, which means tomorrow I won’t be hungover.  Also, I didn’t watch the NYC ball drop on TV.  I did, however, watch the London Eye fireworks on TV, which was a nice change of pace.

I thought I’d feel a little bummed about not going out for New Year’s but it turns out my quiet, sober night indoors was just what I needed to start my year off right.  How you start the year is how you’ll end it, right?  (Maybe that’s not entirely true since last year I was definitely hungover on New Year’s Day.)

Anyway, I don’t know if any of these changes will make a difference in my 2015 but I’m looking forward to seeing what the New Year brings.  Somehow I have a good feeling about it.

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year!

Birthday Recap | Your Inner Circle

wpid-img_20140514_231112.jpgIt was my birthday on May 14th – woo!

There’s nothing I like celebrating more than my birthday.

I know that sounds egotistical but I know I’m not alone in that.  I love my birthday.  Of course that’s not to take away from anyone else’s birthday – everyone should feel this way about the day of their birth.  So when my birthday comes around I like to make it special.

Every year since my 21st birthday I’ve had some kind of “event” or “party” or “trip” and there are pictures of me laughing, smiling and having the best time ever with a bunch of people.  I’d take lots of pictures, drink lots of whiskey gingers or margaritas or whatever – laugh a lot and then probably wake up the next day with a hangover and this awful feeling that I owed someone an apology.

It was awesome.

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But the past two years have been different.  Maybe it’s because I’m older and at this point I’ve been in too many dysfunctional friendships but I haven’t wanted to celebrate my birthday with a “bunch of people.”  As I move forward in life I feel like I don’t need to be surrounded by a bunch of people.  Having just a random bunch of people around can create a lot of chaos and cause confusion and it just gets messy.  What I want as I start a new year and enter a new chapter of my life is a tight-knit group of friends.  Real friends.  Not the kind who take three days to respond to a text message or phone call.  Not the kind that bail on you every time you make plans together.  Certainly not the kind who only hit you up when they want or need something from you.  But real friends.

Last year I didn’t have a party or event – I did take a trip, ate cupcakes and saw a movie with my best friend.  But I didn’t fill my social media sites with pictures of me and “a bunch of people.”  I took that year to reflect and spend time by myself.  I realized I liked spending time with me, which is good because if I didn’t like being with me then how could I expect other people to like spending time with me?

This year I listened Joel Osteen’s podcast right before my birthday and he was saying some

IMG_20140514_235424438thing about our “inner circle” and how we should always be careful about who we let into our inner circle and who we spend our time with.  I’d been on the right track for the past year and hadn’t even known it.  So I resisted the urge to throw a party and kept my celebrations small and intimate.  Margaritas with my best friend followed by drinks and tacos and a few other mini-celebrations with people throughout the week.  I don’t have dozens of pictures of me smiling, laughing and posing.  I didn’t have a big birthday bash but I had just the right amount of celebrating with the right people.

How you start the year is how you’ll end it.

This is a new year for me and I want to start strong.  No more allowing just any one into my inner circle.  No more trying to sustain and resuscitate dead relationships.  I used to feel bad because my social network had always been small.  I used to feel like it was a bad thing that my wedding party (speak it into existence, there will eventually be a wedding) will be teeny-tiny.  But now I don’t feel that way.  I was happier in the past year spending time (mostly) alone than I’d been in a long time and I attribute that to my being more selective about who I spent my time with.

My time, I finally realize, is VALUABLE.

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I need to form and protect my inner circle.  Because when things finally start to turn around for me (and they will) I’ll need my inner circle more than ever – for encouragement, support and, of course, celebrating.

A new year starts for me now.  I’m so excited to continue to grow and transition into this new, better version of myself.

Thank you everyone for all the Birthday Wishes!

We Need People

New video is either late this week or Super Early for next week.  You decide.

Dawn Melissa Vlogs:  “We Need People”

Please Like and Subscribe – it’s a New Year after all!

Happy New Year!!!

How you start the year is how you’ll end it…

happynewyearI vaguely recall saying that to a stranger at the bar just minutes before midnight.  She was in her 30s but she looked 20 and I thought I was giving her sound advice regarding her ex-boyfriend.

I’d already had 4 drinks and two other people I didn’t know offered to buy me drinks.  I accepted both and gave one to my date.  Then the countdown started and champagne was passed around and everything got really blurry after that.

Somehow we got home safe and sound but I woke up to a terrible hangover and almost no memory of the last night of 2013.

Not a good start for 2014.

But it was a fun night.  And even though it was a rough way to start a new year I’ve decided that it does not represent what my year will be like.  I will not drink and party way too much and eat hangover food and get distracted and sidetracked.  This is the year that I stay focused.

People have been saying “good things are going to happen for you this year” since I was a child.  I thought I was special until I realized it’s just something people say at the end of a year.  I still liked hearing it though.

Anyway, good things will happen for me this year.  2014 will be an amazing year.

Happy New Year everyone!

So Now What?

I’m blasting Beyonce’s, “XO” as I’m writing this.  It’s helping.  A little.

Today was not a good day.  Despite my morning Prayer I was not resilient today.  I was not in high spirits.  And I don’t feel like it’s Christmas Eve.  It feels more like a random day in March than the Holiday Season.  Cue the Debbie Downer music.

I’m struggling tonight.  My inner critic is on a mission to break me tonight.  She whispers, “You’re working in retail…you’re not a writer…you’re a failure,” and her voice is getting louder and louder and no matter how loud I blast Beyonce’s “XO” I can still hear her.

I know I’m just feeling tired.  I worked a super long shift tonight (Yay for overtime thanks to last minute Christmas shoppers) and I’m feeling like even though I spent 11 hours of my day doing something…I have nothing to show for it.  I pushed buttons, counted money and said Merry Christmas to people who were too distracted by the numbers on my cash register to even hear me.  That’s how I spent my day.  That’s why my inner critic is laughing at me tonight.

Ah but that’s not even why I’m feeling sorry for myself.  Because feeling like a failure as a writer is nothing new to me at this point.  It’s whatever.  I thought I would’ve made it by now.  I haven’t.  Oh well.

It just sucks watching people I used to collaborate with move on without a backward glance.  Start new writing teams.  Develope ideas we originally started.  My first reaction is be snarky about it – be a hater.  But I suppress that.  Because the whole reason I severed ties with so many people in 2013 was so that I could become a better person.  So that I could look at myself in the mirror and not hate what I saw.  Being angry about what they do now that they are no longer in my life would be counterproductive.  And a waste of energy.  So I suppress the snarky thoughts.  I woo-sah through my jealousy.

I let go of the past and people who weren’t right for me but…the hurt still lingers.

And that’s the honest truth.

So how do I get into 2014 without bringing this hurt with me?  I’m supposed to be looking forward to the New Year.  I’m supposed to be getting my Resolutions ready.  I’m supposed to be swearing off alcohol and junk food and finally finally finally losing that weight.  I’m supposed to be getting ready for yet another reinvention.  Instead I’m sitting here watching Youtube personalities put their seemingly awesome lives on the internet and I’m feeling a little green.  I probably should not have gone on Youtube tonight even if it was to watch some of my favorite vloggers.  Tonight they did not make me feel inspired.  Tonight they made me feel…a bit useless.

Tomorrow will be better…but tonight I’m struggling and so I needed to vent about it.  Because I really do want 2014 to be significantly better than 2013.  I’ve done a lot in 2013.  I won’t let my inner critic try to tell me I sat on my ass for 12 months.  I did accomplish some things.  One of them was being more consistent with my Blog and Youtube Channel.

But now what?

How can I improve on this in 2014?  I can’t spend another year in Los Angeles doing the same thing and pretending like I’m actually getting somewhere in life. In fact, I can’t spend another year in Los Angeles – period.

It has to get better from here.  It just has to.  This is rock bottom.  With no friends and no career and only my rinky dink vlog as my creative outlet- it really has to get better from here.

But how?

I guess I’m going to have to figure that out.  Somehow.